Survival Seeds are man’s only hope

Apr 15th, 2009 | By | Category: Blogs, Opinions

Zach Becker

Editor-in-Chief

ARMAGEDDON is almost here. By next spring, FOOD will be in SHORT SUPPLY. Grocery stores will be BARREN. It’s either grow your own food or turn to cannibalism!!!!

Order your Survival Seeds now, or YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL DIE!! SurvivalSeedBank.com will send you plenty of seeds, enough to plant a whole acre crisis garden and feed everyone you care about.

SURVIVAL will only cost you $129 (plus $14 shipping and handling). It’s a limited time discounted offer (a super-dee-duper value bargain!), and they’ll even throw in a plastic container FREE so you can bury the seeds so no one steals them. They only have enough seeds for a few of these banks, so you MUST ORDER NOW, or you are surely dead come next spring. You only need to hold out for three more weeks while they process and ship your order.

Sure, you could get normal seeds at Wal-Mart for pennies on the dollar, but these aren’t just normal seeds. These are “super seeds,” that are non-genetically altered, and “created by God as we read in Genesis.” And God said in the Bible he wants people to live. So, if you believe in God, YOU MUST ORDER these Survival Seeds.

How will your family eat food when grocery stores are barren?

How will your family eat food when grocery stores are barren?

And because they are “super seeds,” as scientifically confirmed by scientists, Survival Seeds germinate like crazy! You just set them in the dirt and they’re like rabbits. You’ll have enough food for the rest of time.

As a plus, SURVIVAL SEEDS will be MORE VALUABLE THAN GOLD OR SILVER during a meltdown. Survival Seeds will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.

“If you don’t have the ability to grow your own food next year, your life may be in danger,” according to survivalseedbank.com. “Without a long-term solution, millions of Americans could starve.

Do you want to live? Do you want your family to live?

If you answered yes to the previous questions, then you must order your Survival Seeds today!!!!!!!!

It’s a once-in-a-lifetime, limited time offer while their supplies last. It’s a incredible bargain price and includes free gifts.

Live. Don’t die. It’s the religious thing to do!!! And people will think you are cool and you’ll be like a god! And you’ll be rich!!!

ORDER SURVIVAL SEEDS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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2 comments
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  1. So is this a satire piece or an ad? Both? Neither?

  2. It’s a satire of the ad they present on their site. So yes, it is a satirical ad. The sad thing is, it is not really that much of an exaggeration from what they say on the Survival Seeds site.