Everybody wants to be a rock star. But most of us just keep our performances relegated to the car with the radio loud so no one else is seriously afflicted. Technology is changing all that, now, and with the power of YouTube you can let the whole world hear your feeble skills in the hopes of getting famous. Without further ado, I present some of the worst “musical” performances I could find on YouTube.

I Will Always Love You – Made famous by Whitney Houston, performed here by some kid named Asif.

Perhaps Asif should realize that he is twelve, his voice just changed, and picking a woman’s song to broadcast to the world was just not the best idea at this stage of his life.I applaud the effort, but cringe at the high notes.

McDonald’s Rap – Performed by Garden City Stud

You got to love the handmotions that go with this “freestyle” rap. We could be looking at the next Vanilla Ice.

Blowin in the Wind – Made famous by Bob Dylan performed here by Wonnep

Not sure what country this dude is from, but his accent makes this one strange rendition of Blowin in the Wind.

We Are the World – Made famous in 1985 for USA for Africa, performed here by a bunch of nobodies.

This webcam version of the superstar-filled 1985 performance is, well, creative, I guess. I think this is actually a parody, but I’m not sure.

Love Story – Made famous by Taylor Swift, performed here by Ryan Ferr

This pre-pubescent 12-year-old’s performance really isn’t that bad, but man, he’s making it too easy. He may clarify that this is the guy version of Taylor Swift in the title, but that doesn’t change the fact that he sounds like a girl. This will make some great black mail in a couple years.

No Place that Far – Made famous by Sarah Evans, performed here by Ashley Heslop

Ashley, just cause you have a camera doesn’t make you famous. Good luck with the Sara-oke contest (where she hopes to sing onstage with Sarah Evans), but you might want to get in key first. Painful.

Editor-In-Chief

Inform. Entertain. Convince you to buy. All in 60 seconds or less. Television commercial producers have a difficult task. When done poorly, they can turn you off to a product. When done well, they can create a lasting impression. And a few commercials are so bad, they are great.

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite television commercials.

1. This is probably the best in an ongoing series of Sonic Drive-In commercials. The humor is quick-hitting and makes for some fun intermission breaks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0yq8MhilCk

2. The next commercial stars Wilford Brimley… Yes, THE Wilford Brimley, he of Cocoon fame (and Quaker Oats and maybe some silent films or something). Apparently, he has diabetes, but still does acting and advertisements as well as ride horses and occasionally work as a blacksmith (if you believe this ad). Check your blood sugar and check it often.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nDObcCMNm0

3. Nausea. Heartburn. Indigestion. Upset Stomach. Diarrhea. Yay, Pepto Bismol. Classic, a purely hilarious classic. If you haven’t seen this commercial, you owe it to yourself to do so (you might catch yourself dancing, too, afterward).

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/original-pepto-bismol-upset-stomach-dance-commerci/648731569

4. Spangles. In Missouri, I don’t think you guys were subjected to the ads for this Kansas chain. I grew up with these (unfortunately). These ads are just so bad they are good (especially the spokeslady with the lisp). Spangles – It Just Tastes Better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDWMCI45ShM

5.Michael Jordan vs. Michael Jordan. This Gatorade commercial made it seem almost believable that the young, Chicago Bulls era Michael Jordan was facing off against the older, Washington Wizards era Michael Jordan. Great special effects made for a memorable ad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpfzaqIuR34

6. Becker Homes. Cheap plug here. This is my contribution to the television advertising world. I wrote, produced and directed this spot for my dad’s manufactured home company. Special kudos for a hilarious performance by Jeremy Clawson as Grease Mitchell, the slimy salesman for Big City Homes. You can also see my dad and my distant cousin Rocky Becker at the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSlC3L3MnBw

Assistant Editor

Considering the SF Chronicle is on the verge of disappearing, I found this little nugget to be especially poignant.

The whole thing is great, but I love at the end how the internet edition is $10 and takes 2 hours to load, while the paper edition is 20 cents. Here we are, almost thirty years later, and the situation is reversed. Print is more expensive than the internet.