Happy Earth Day!

Apr 23rd, 2009 | By | Category: Blogs, Opinions

Nate Bassett

Contributor

savetheplanetkillyourself-83aGenesis 1:27-28 reads, “And God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them: and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

We sure have done a great job of kicking the earth’s butt! As I sit here under the low beam of artificial light and the cool breeze of air conditioning, I think about the glorious way man has come to dominate this planet.

Soon will be the day I can drive my car anywhere… and by that I mean anywhere. Because it will all be paved. Miles of convenient strip malls. A beautiful monument to capitalism and profit! Jobs will abound and we’ll have all the money we need to buy all the stuff we want.

Imagine the future, jumping out of your front door onto a perfectly manicured, ideal suburban front lawn, meticulously maintained by Mexican robots. The next generation of hybrid SUV awaits you in the driveway, ready to rumble down the road to Target (After all, that’s where we sophisticates shop. It’s so much more classy than Wal-Mart!). There you can find your third-world groceries, brought nearly to your doorstep by huge super freighters that hover over the ocean surface, crewed by Filipino robots.

Ah, America is so great! Back in the days of your youthful idealism, you remember how you felt the drive, the unity of making a difference. Everyone was going to change the world by pitching in! It meant… wait, what did it mean? Oh yeah! You picked up trash that one time, and then you bought someĀ  “energy efficient” light bulbs, and when recycling came to the neighborhood, you did that too! Well, except when the bin was full. And then when you lost the bin. And then, well, you made an impact at least!

But in the waning hues of the sun, you look over the terraformed ground, and up at the glorious flag of the United States of the Moon, and in the corner of your eye, you see the outline of the Earth, or what’s left of it. Happy Earth Day, circa 2512! It was great while it lasted.

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  1. Earth Day 2009: our long global cow flatulence nightmare is over.

    See

    http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/04/22/earth-day-2009/